Love.
The kind that puts butterflies in your stomach, sends chills up your spine, the kind that you lose sleep over. Falling in love, being in love- it's something we are all looking for right?
Now here's where we all go wrong. You can't go looking for love. You can't expect that every guy you talk to is going to be "the one." You can't give up hope. You can't blame yourself if it doesn't work out. You can't blame men for their stupidity. Ha. Ok that one was uncalled for but seriously.
I guess my inspiration for this blog came to me around 5am this morning after a chat with a certain someone who happens to be very knowledgeable when it comes to relationships. Wait for it, yes, yes it is. A BOY!
Now ladies, there are a few points I want to touch on with this subject. So here goes nothing..
#1 The Single Life
-So heres the deal. Being single is NOT the end of the world. Although some of you may feel that you will never find a significant other and you will end up an old lonely cat lady with a saggy butt, you are WRONG. When you're single, you have the complete freedom to explore and get to know yourself. I suggest to explore life until you are comfortable in your own skin. Ironically, the moment we're standing on our own two feet is usually when we swing into couplehood. Now ladies, this may be a hard concept to grasp, but trust me, enjoy being single, go out of a few dates, find yourself. Dedicate the time you have to figuring out your life and who you are.
#2 You complete You
- There is no one else in this world who should complete you. We are strong, intelligent, and independent young women so lets put down the box of tissues that we have had next to our bed for a week because our last relationship didn't last and throw out the tub of cookie dough ice cream and start acting like it! We, as individuals, are the only ones who are completely guaranteed to love us unconditionally. Unfortunately, that is just how it goes. I think it is an unfair burden to put on someone to carry our self-esteem which could lead to disappointment...and my previously stated, expectation hangover.
#3 Dating
-Dating is something that may not come naturally to everyone. But you should have fun with it and keep your expectations to a minimum. The worst that could happen is you don't connect on a relationship level but you could walk away with a new friend. My advice: if you have the slightest bit of interest in the person, say yes, you never know what could happen.
#4 "I am capable of love and I deserve it"
-Say this to yourself every morning in the mirror or write it down somewhere that is easily visible. Yes, it might sound corny and you may feel silly but it is a great esteem booster. I, myself, have it written on my bulletin board. The importance of this exercise is this, you may want to fall in love now, you may not want to be single, you may really like someone and they just aren't feeling you. BUT you are capable of love, you deserve it, and when the right person comes along (which may take what feels like forever) you deserve it! To make that faith real, I had to open my mind, risk getting hurt again, and say yes to accepting what lies ahead.
#5 Soul Matches
-I do believe there is someone out there for everyone. You will find your soul match...but only when you truly believe you are ready to be matched. If we have negative beliefs about ourselves, our ability to attract or hold on to a significant other weakens. And this could possibly be the cause to failed relationships. You can only find someone when you accept who you are, when you are comfortable being alone, and when you know who you are as an individual.
Now before I go on, I have an exercise to manifest your soul match. Make your own soul match list of attributes and qualities. Be specific. What dreams, values, hobbies does this person have? How do you relate to each other? Write in the present tense and give it some serious thought. When you complete your list, fold it up and put it away. The only rules are that you have to be patient, prevent an expectation hangover to happen, and believe that this person does exist, and you will eventually match up. Yes, I have done this exercise too.
#6 Heartache
-Heartache is a necessary phase after any failed relationship. Sometimes blessings reveal themselves much, much more slowly than we'd like, but we must learn to keep our hearts open no matter how much they've been hurt or how often they've led us astray. The thing to realize is this: if it was meant to be, it would have been. Don't shut down emotionally if you have had your heartbroken. Instead, take this opportunity to put yourself together even better than before and move forward with your life! Your soul match could be right around the corner.
Now ladies, I hope this has put some of the biggest issues into perspective. I am also looking for that prince charming to sweep me off my feet. Who isn't? He is out there. The problem that we have today is not settling for less. Don't date the guy if you kind of like him. If he doesn't treat you right he doesn't deserve you. I sometimes feel that some of these statements are said to us SO many times but yet we don't really take them to heart. I have a new obsession with Bruno Mars, and his song "Just the way you are," is playing as I write this. That is the type of guy you want. Someone who finds you perfect just the way you are. Someone who thinks you are amazing and who appreciates your quirks. Someone who (get ready for my cliche), sees more to you than what meets the eye. I know that most of us want that notebook ending or the John Cusack standing outside our windows with speakers but the truth is this, those are movies. We need to experience a happy ending of our own.
Here's the big kicker. After my talk with Mr. Unknown, I realized that guys want the same things we do. They experience the same obstacles when it comes to love. They know what it feels like to want to be in love. They set goals for the future as far as marriage and kids. They experience disappointment and heartbreak. Sometimes I don't think we give them enough credit because we see ourselves as the emotional wrecks. (They are too! )
The most important thing I want you to remember is this: I am in the same boat as you, so let's do this together. If you need advice, are having significant other issues, or just need someone to talk to, please feel free to email me. MissMissouriInternational2011@yahoo.com I would be more than happy to chat. :)
Make today a new beginning for you and do some soul searching. You will be more than please with what you find.
Best Wishes,
Samantha
