So last night I had a ladies night with 4 of my good friends. We tore up the dance floor and sang to Spice Girls, Backstreet Boys, and Justin Bieber. Needless to say we had an "in" with the DJ otherwise we probably wouldn't have walked away successfully with our song choices. But come on, who doesn't love classics? You are probably figuring out where this is going...hangovers. You happen to be right, but not the typical hangover. In my first blog I mentioned an expectation hangover. Let me tell you right now, these suck!
I was talking to one of my good friends about change the other day. Change isn't usually something that most people enjoy, but sometimes when you have an onset of an expectation hangover you need to accept that change is necessary.
Unfortunately, expectation hangovers can last for days, weeks, and even months because time is no cure-instead, it just hands us more expectations. You are not alone. 80% of people that have read the 20 something manifesto reported suffering from an expectation hangover. The majority of disappointment stems from career, relationship, and money issues. But how do we deal with these hangovers?
Let me remind you of one thing which happens to be very important. This is your life. You choose the paths that you take, you choose the direction you want your life to go in, and most importantly, you have the power to change your life. The life that you are living right now is not a dress rehearsal. You don't get to hit the rewind button (although I sometimes wish that was possible) and change what has already happened. If you want to be happier, more focused, and more decisive-you have that choice. The key to overcoming expectation hangovers is to change the way you respond to hangovers and eventually free yourself from expectations. To move away from expectations, practice creating specific short-term goals and eliminate the expectations that are creating pressure or confusion in your life.
I can think of many instances in my life where I feel that I have failed and am regretful. The thing that you have to remember in these types of situations is to stop feeling regretful and start feeling more positive. Over the years I have become a much more optimistic person. What is the point of beating yourself up over something that can't be changed. If you fall down, get your booty back up and try again. There is no such thing as "I can't," it is either "I won't," or "I don't want to."The present is the result of the past, not a predictor of the future so redirect your focus to all the things you have done and you do have. Live in the moment, focus on your own short-term goals, and trust that life does have a way of working itself out. Life is short so let go of expectations and be happy with who you are and what you have. If you feel that you have taken the road to Doomsville, dont panic! You have the ability to find your way out of town.
You are the one who has to live your life, so pick what you think fits you, and always remember, nothing is written in stone.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
To all my single ladies
Love.
The kind that puts butterflies in your stomach, sends chills up your spine, the kind that you lose sleep over. Falling in love, being in love- it's something we are all looking for right?
Now here's where we all go wrong. You can't go looking for love. You can't expect that every guy you talk to is going to be "the one." You can't give up hope. You can't blame yourself if it doesn't work out. You can't blame men for their stupidity. Ha. Ok that one was uncalled for but seriously.
I guess my inspiration for this blog came to me around 5am this morning after a chat with a certain someone who happens to be very knowledgeable when it comes to relationships. Wait for it, yes, yes it is. A BOY!
Now ladies, there are a few points I want to touch on with this subject. So here goes nothing..
#1 The Single Life
-So heres the deal. Being single is NOT the end of the world. Although some of you may feel that you will never find a significant other and you will end up an old lonely cat lady with a saggy butt, you are WRONG. When you're single, you have the complete freedom to explore and get to know yourself. I suggest to explore life until you are comfortable in your own skin. Ironically, the moment we're standing on our own two feet is usually when we swing into couplehood. Now ladies, this may be a hard concept to grasp, but trust me, enjoy being single, go out of a few dates, find yourself. Dedicate the time you have to figuring out your life and who you are.
#2 You complete You
- There is no one else in this world who should complete you. We are strong, intelligent, and independent young women so lets put down the box of tissues that we have had next to our bed for a week because our last relationship didn't last and throw out the tub of cookie dough ice cream and start acting like it! We, as individuals, are the only ones who are completely guaranteed to love us unconditionally. Unfortunately, that is just how it goes. I think it is an unfair burden to put on someone to carry our self-esteem which could lead to disappointment...and my previously stated, expectation hangover.
#3 Dating
-Dating is something that may not come naturally to everyone. But you should have fun with it and keep your expectations to a minimum. The worst that could happen is you don't connect on a relationship level but you could walk away with a new friend. My advice: if you have the slightest bit of interest in the person, say yes, you never know what could happen.
#4 "I am capable of love and I deserve it"
-Say this to yourself every morning in the mirror or write it down somewhere that is easily visible. Yes, it might sound corny and you may feel silly but it is a great esteem booster. I, myself, have it written on my bulletin board. The importance of this exercise is this, you may want to fall in love now, you may not want to be single, you may really like someone and they just aren't feeling you. BUT you are capable of love, you deserve it, and when the right person comes along (which may take what feels like forever) you deserve it! To make that faith real, I had to open my mind, risk getting hurt again, and say yes to accepting what lies ahead.
#5 Soul Matches
-I do believe there is someone out there for everyone. You will find your soul match...but only when you truly believe you are ready to be matched. If we have negative beliefs about ourselves, our ability to attract or hold on to a significant other weakens. And this could possibly be the cause to failed relationships. You can only find someone when you accept who you are, when you are comfortable being alone, and when you know who you are as an individual.
Now before I go on, I have an exercise to manifest your soul match. Make your own soul match list of attributes and qualities. Be specific. What dreams, values, hobbies does this person have? How do you relate to each other? Write in the present tense and give it some serious thought. When you complete your list, fold it up and put it away. The only rules are that you have to be patient, prevent an expectation hangover to happen, and believe that this person does exist, and you will eventually match up. Yes, I have done this exercise too.
#6 Heartache
-Heartache is a necessary phase after any failed relationship. Sometimes blessings reveal themselves much, much more slowly than we'd like, but we must learn to keep our hearts open no matter how much they've been hurt or how often they've led us astray. The thing to realize is this: if it was meant to be, it would have been. Don't shut down emotionally if you have had your heartbroken. Instead, take this opportunity to put yourself together even better than before and move forward with your life! Your soul match could be right around the corner.
Now ladies, I hope this has put some of the biggest issues into perspective. I am also looking for that prince charming to sweep me off my feet. Who isn't? He is out there. The problem that we have today is not settling for less. Don't date the guy if you kind of like him. If he doesn't treat you right he doesn't deserve you. I sometimes feel that some of these statements are said to us SO many times but yet we don't really take them to heart. I have a new obsession with Bruno Mars, and his song "Just the way you are," is playing as I write this. That is the type of guy you want. Someone who finds you perfect just the way you are. Someone who thinks you are amazing and who appreciates your quirks. Someone who (get ready for my cliche), sees more to you than what meets the eye. I know that most of us want that notebook ending or the John Cusack standing outside our windows with speakers but the truth is this, those are movies. We need to experience a happy ending of our own.
Here's the big kicker. After my talk with Mr. Unknown, I realized that guys want the same things we do. They experience the same obstacles when it comes to love. They know what it feels like to want to be in love. They set goals for the future as far as marriage and kids. They experience disappointment and heartbreak. Sometimes I don't think we give them enough credit because we see ourselves as the emotional wrecks. (They are too! )
The most important thing I want you to remember is this: I am in the same boat as you, so let's do this together. If you need advice, are having significant other issues, or just need someone to talk to, please feel free to email me. MissMissouriInternational2011@yahoo.com I would be more than happy to chat. :)
Make today a new beginning for you and do some soul searching. You will be more than please with what you find.
Best Wishes,
Samantha
The kind that puts butterflies in your stomach, sends chills up your spine, the kind that you lose sleep over. Falling in love, being in love- it's something we are all looking for right?
Now here's where we all go wrong. You can't go looking for love. You can't expect that every guy you talk to is going to be "the one." You can't give up hope. You can't blame yourself if it doesn't work out. You can't blame men for their stupidity. Ha. Ok that one was uncalled for but seriously.
I guess my inspiration for this blog came to me around 5am this morning after a chat with a certain someone who happens to be very knowledgeable when it comes to relationships. Wait for it, yes, yes it is. A BOY!
Now ladies, there are a few points I want to touch on with this subject. So here goes nothing..
#1 The Single Life
-So heres the deal. Being single is NOT the end of the world. Although some of you may feel that you will never find a significant other and you will end up an old lonely cat lady with a saggy butt, you are WRONG. When you're single, you have the complete freedom to explore and get to know yourself. I suggest to explore life until you are comfortable in your own skin. Ironically, the moment we're standing on our own two feet is usually when we swing into couplehood. Now ladies, this may be a hard concept to grasp, but trust me, enjoy being single, go out of a few dates, find yourself. Dedicate the time you have to figuring out your life and who you are.
#2 You complete You
- There is no one else in this world who should complete you. We are strong, intelligent, and independent young women so lets put down the box of tissues that we have had next to our bed for a week because our last relationship didn't last and throw out the tub of cookie dough ice cream and start acting like it! We, as individuals, are the only ones who are completely guaranteed to love us unconditionally. Unfortunately, that is just how it goes. I think it is an unfair burden to put on someone to carry our self-esteem which could lead to disappointment...and my previously stated, expectation hangover.
#3 Dating
-Dating is something that may not come naturally to everyone. But you should have fun with it and keep your expectations to a minimum. The worst that could happen is you don't connect on a relationship level but you could walk away with a new friend. My advice: if you have the slightest bit of interest in the person, say yes, you never know what could happen.
#4 "I am capable of love and I deserve it"
-Say this to yourself every morning in the mirror or write it down somewhere that is easily visible. Yes, it might sound corny and you may feel silly but it is a great esteem booster. I, myself, have it written on my bulletin board. The importance of this exercise is this, you may want to fall in love now, you may not want to be single, you may really like someone and they just aren't feeling you. BUT you are capable of love, you deserve it, and when the right person comes along (which may take what feels like forever) you deserve it! To make that faith real, I had to open my mind, risk getting hurt again, and say yes to accepting what lies ahead.
#5 Soul Matches
-I do believe there is someone out there for everyone. You will find your soul match...but only when you truly believe you are ready to be matched. If we have negative beliefs about ourselves, our ability to attract or hold on to a significant other weakens. And this could possibly be the cause to failed relationships. You can only find someone when you accept who you are, when you are comfortable being alone, and when you know who you are as an individual.
Now before I go on, I have an exercise to manifest your soul match. Make your own soul match list of attributes and qualities. Be specific. What dreams, values, hobbies does this person have? How do you relate to each other? Write in the present tense and give it some serious thought. When you complete your list, fold it up and put it away. The only rules are that you have to be patient, prevent an expectation hangover to happen, and believe that this person does exist, and you will eventually match up. Yes, I have done this exercise too.
#6 Heartache
-Heartache is a necessary phase after any failed relationship. Sometimes blessings reveal themselves much, much more slowly than we'd like, but we must learn to keep our hearts open no matter how much they've been hurt or how often they've led us astray. The thing to realize is this: if it was meant to be, it would have been. Don't shut down emotionally if you have had your heartbroken. Instead, take this opportunity to put yourself together even better than before and move forward with your life! Your soul match could be right around the corner.
Now ladies, I hope this has put some of the biggest issues into perspective. I am also looking for that prince charming to sweep me off my feet. Who isn't? He is out there. The problem that we have today is not settling for less. Don't date the guy if you kind of like him. If he doesn't treat you right he doesn't deserve you. I sometimes feel that some of these statements are said to us SO many times but yet we don't really take them to heart. I have a new obsession with Bruno Mars, and his song "Just the way you are," is playing as I write this. That is the type of guy you want. Someone who finds you perfect just the way you are. Someone who thinks you are amazing and who appreciates your quirks. Someone who (get ready for my cliche), sees more to you than what meets the eye. I know that most of us want that notebook ending or the John Cusack standing outside our windows with speakers but the truth is this, those are movies. We need to experience a happy ending of our own.
Here's the big kicker. After my talk with Mr. Unknown, I realized that guys want the same things we do. They experience the same obstacles when it comes to love. They know what it feels like to want to be in love. They set goals for the future as far as marriage and kids. They experience disappointment and heartbreak. Sometimes I don't think we give them enough credit because we see ourselves as the emotional wrecks. (They are too! )
The most important thing I want you to remember is this: I am in the same boat as you, so let's do this together. If you need advice, are having significant other issues, or just need someone to talk to, please feel free to email me. MissMissouriInternational2011@yahoo.com I would be more than happy to chat. :)
Make today a new beginning for you and do some soul searching. You will be more than please with what you find.
Best Wishes,
Samantha
Follow the yellow brick road...
It is 2am and I am listening to the Goo Goo Dolls (one of my favorite bands whom I did get to see a few years back).
I just decided that I wanted to start a blog and here I am. The funny thing is, you would never realize how hard it actually is to have a conversation with a computer screen. I have never been one to express my feelings, and to be perfectly honest, I never expected to do it publicly for the world to see. I guess this is just a leap in the right direction for me and it also happens to be my New Years resolution although I sometimes find myself never sticking to them. Hopefully this year will be a new beginning.
Your 20 something years are supposed to be the best time of your life. You discover who you are, what you want in life, and the passions that you never knew you had. You graduate from college, fall in love, get married, start a family, and have a career that you've always wanted. You become a grown up. But my question to you is this, what happens if the idea you have for your future doesn't end up happening the way you planned it to? By all means I am not trying to sound discouraging, but what if the checklist you have made for yourself isn't checking itself off. What's next?
I chose to title my blog my 20 something manifesto because I myself am a 20 something struggling with these same issues. I once heard a woman by the name of Christine Hassler speak at a seminar, and her book is titled the 20 something manifesto. She helped change my life and I would like to continue to pass on her wisdom about life and its tough issues to you. Maybe a little insight into my life and how I got to the place I am now will help...
I graduated from Eureka High School in May of 2008. I had known since my junior year of high school that I would be attending Lindenwood University on a scholarship from the Miss Missouri pageant. I also had known from the age of 5 that I wanted to become a teacher like my Aunt Cherie. I had been in a serious relationship for over 3 years. I had a checklist for my future and I expected it to go exactly as planned. Boy was I wrong.
Just to give you an idea of how wrong I really was..
In my short two and a half year college career, I managed to switch schools EVERY semester and changed my major not once, not twice, but a whopping 7 times!!!
Through all of this, what I like to call madness, I had no idea who I was, what I wanted to do in life, or how I was going to get there. I was experiencing a HUGE expectation hangover.
Expectation Hangover: arise when things don't go as expected, when we are unable to match our expectations for ourselves, or when something unexpected (and typically undesirable) happens.
Have you ever felt like you were stuck in a rut? You have trouble focusing? You constantly are obsessing on the past? You are losing hope that you will ever figure out what you actually want or how to get it?
Well folks, I hate to be the messenger but you are experiencing an expectation hangover. A quarter-life crisis is normal. For all you checklisters out there, ditch the habit now. Trust me. YOU WILL SURVIVE.
Whether it be finding yourself, discovering your passion, careers, relationships, family, friends, finance, I am going to share my wisdom with you.
So stay tuned...if I haven't put you to sleep yet ;) I will leave you with a piece of advice until next time...
As long as we are committed to learning from our experiences, there are no mistakes! Life is like the yellow brick road. There are many surprises ahead, but eventually we do get home. So sit back and enjoy the ride.
(Oh, by the way, I am the new Miss Missouri International 2011!!!)
I just decided that I wanted to start a blog and here I am. The funny thing is, you would never realize how hard it actually is to have a conversation with a computer screen. I have never been one to express my feelings, and to be perfectly honest, I never expected to do it publicly for the world to see. I guess this is just a leap in the right direction for me and it also happens to be my New Years resolution although I sometimes find myself never sticking to them. Hopefully this year will be a new beginning.
Your 20 something years are supposed to be the best time of your life. You discover who you are, what you want in life, and the passions that you never knew you had. You graduate from college, fall in love, get married, start a family, and have a career that you've always wanted. You become a grown up. But my question to you is this, what happens if the idea you have for your future doesn't end up happening the way you planned it to? By all means I am not trying to sound discouraging, but what if the checklist you have made for yourself isn't checking itself off. What's next?
I chose to title my blog my 20 something manifesto because I myself am a 20 something struggling with these same issues. I once heard a woman by the name of Christine Hassler speak at a seminar, and her book is titled the 20 something manifesto. She helped change my life and I would like to continue to pass on her wisdom about life and its tough issues to you. Maybe a little insight into my life and how I got to the place I am now will help...
I graduated from Eureka High School in May of 2008. I had known since my junior year of high school that I would be attending Lindenwood University on a scholarship from the Miss Missouri pageant. I also had known from the age of 5 that I wanted to become a teacher like my Aunt Cherie. I had been in a serious relationship for over 3 years. I had a checklist for my future and I expected it to go exactly as planned. Boy was I wrong.
Just to give you an idea of how wrong I really was..
In my short two and a half year college career, I managed to switch schools EVERY semester and changed my major not once, not twice, but a whopping 7 times!!!
Through all of this, what I like to call madness, I had no idea who I was, what I wanted to do in life, or how I was going to get there. I was experiencing a HUGE expectation hangover.
Expectation Hangover: arise when things don't go as expected, when we are unable to match our expectations for ourselves, or when something unexpected (and typically undesirable) happens.
Have you ever felt like you were stuck in a rut? You have trouble focusing? You constantly are obsessing on the past? You are losing hope that you will ever figure out what you actually want or how to get it?
Well folks, I hate to be the messenger but you are experiencing an expectation hangover. A quarter-life crisis is normal. For all you checklisters out there, ditch the habit now. Trust me. YOU WILL SURVIVE.
Whether it be finding yourself, discovering your passion, careers, relationships, family, friends, finance, I am going to share my wisdom with you.
So stay tuned...if I haven't put you to sleep yet ;) I will leave you with a piece of advice until next time...
As long as we are committed to learning from our experiences, there are no mistakes! Life is like the yellow brick road. There are many surprises ahead, but eventually we do get home. So sit back and enjoy the ride.
(Oh, by the way, I am the new Miss Missouri International 2011!!!)
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